Even if the Stars Wept
by thelordsnow
Summary: The Baratheons and Starks have come to a final truce, their next move being to take dragonstone. The knight of flowers goes to all lengths to protect his king, with disastrous consequences. (rated M for possible future Smut)
1. Prologue

Locked Jaw, clenched fists, the knight of flowers pushed his king aside and made to tie the laces of his breeches.

'No' he repeated, fingers funbling slightly as he felt his lovers finger trailing along his spine. Loras shrugged it off, standing and making his way to the tents entrance, collecting stray bits of clothing as he went. He heard movement behind him and knew that he had but moments to think up an argument. he turned back to the bed with a look of pure annoyance and disdain on his face. He watched his king spread out topless and lustful on the bed, that winning sneer spread across his features. In any other situation, that look would have made him hard in an instant. now, however, things were different.

'Renly…you have never been in a true battle before and the vanguard…' he sighed, looking away.

'I know what im doing Loras' Renly replied, moving to slip his feet onto the floor 'now come back to bed, this is ridiculous…'

'no, this is exasperating Ren, and i'm getting tired of it-'

'but you said, to be a good king…' he struggled for a moment before finding the words. 'you said i had to prove myself, and how else do i do that but by showing i can be as couragious as everyone makes out to be! you're the one being exasperating!'

'No!' he burst out angrily 'Renly, no! you do not know how you're life would be in danger, you can't possibly-' he paused, swallowing, letting the wave of knowledge of what could happen wash over him. He lowered his voice, looking the man straight in the eyes 'i cannot lose you Renly, i cannot'

Renly's face softened, seeing the concern on Loras' face. He stood, walking slowly toward his knight. When the stood but a foot apart, he slipped a hand up his lovers bare arm and let it rest around the back of his neck. He sighed.

"Loras, my love, you cannot protect me forever. I am a King and I cannot hide forever"

A light kindled in Loras' eyes at his words, as if a fire had been lit behind them. He plunged forward, pressing his lips eagerly into Renly's. Renly tried to push him away, stopping Loras in his tracks. There was heart warming fervour on his face.

"that's it, you have found the answer! I am one of your Kingsguard am I not?" hi grabbed the man by the shoulders and shook him. Renly's heart dropped as he realised what his knight was planning on doing. He groaned.

"no, Ren, listen! I can be placed in the Van, your very own" he kissed him again "Personal shield" he grinned happily at him, and it was all Renly could do to pull him back to the bed and tuck him gently under his arm.

"You don't have to do this, you said yourself, you cannot keep me safe, and what if something happens to you?" he twisted his head to look down, finding the hair atop his head close to his face. He nestled his face into it, taking in the scent and feel of it. This could be the last night they had chance for anything. After a moment he pulled away and sighed. he was resigned.

"Alright' he said reluctantly, waving his hand and looking up at the roof of the tent. "yes, you can follow me in the Van" Loras rolled over on top of him, unexpectadly, pulling his face toward him and kissing him with such enthusiasm it almost rolled them off the bed. He pulled away, sneering.

"I knew you could never resist me. Nobody ever can" He kissed him again, their passionate embrace bringing them through to the rising of the sun, and what could possibly be their last day they both spent on this earth together.


	2. I swear it

The sounds of horses and the rattle of armour…Renly woke uneasily, rolling over to find a single red rose in the place of his knight. It wasn't fresh, he noted as he picked it up. It wilted slightly, petals holding on for dear hope. But it was beautiful, tragically beautiful. He winced, as a thorn pricked his finger. The flower dropped back to the bed as he examined the fresh bead of blood blossoming at the tip of his finger, and watched as it rolled down his palm and fell with a slight tick onto the sheets. Grimacing, he stared down at it for a moment, comprehending the meaning behind that tiny drop of life fluid. Heart pounding almost audibly in his chest, Renly pulled his eyes away and stood, beginning to dress with a preoccupied mind. He was lacing up the top of his jerkin when a cry went up outside the tent, and a head appeared at the flap.

"The young wolf has arrived, your grace" said a voice. Renly didn't reply, but walked over, wrapping a cloak quickly over his shoulders and placing his crown precariously atop his brown locks. He should really have a place to put it, but most nights it just ended up on the floor by Loras' hands anyway. He exited the tent, seeing the camp alive with activity. He stood a still for a moment, watching the crowd come closer and trying to shake off the feeling of comprehension gripping him. Loras was the first to come into sight, face glowing with glee. _oh, my sweet…_ he thought with an internal sinking of his heart. It wasn't hard to smile however, as the king in the north came striding into view. Renly strode forward, catching the young man in an embrace with a few well earned claps on the back.

"Robb!" he exclaimed. The other king pulled away, also grinning.

"Renly" he nodded, hair falling across his eyes from under his own bronze crown, in such a seductive manner he had a sudden suspicion there was more to this man than he had first thought…

"Indeed! How about your dear mother?" a look of irritation shrouded his features for a moment and from behind one of his banner men stepped Catelyn stark. Renly flashed Robb a knowing smile before stepping forward to embrace his mother. "Cat!" he pulled back, a hand placed comfortingly on the top of her arm. He reconfigured his face into one of sympathy, another thing he didn't have trouble doing. "I was sorry to hear of your sons, Bran and…"

"Rickon your grace and I thank you" she forced a smile. He could see the grief in her eyes, in the way she held herself, in the way her eyes held Robb's each time hers met with his own. Renly understood, he knew what it would be to lose everything you hold dear. There was naught much left to him, but Loras _and what after today? Gods, what have I done…_ he let his hand drop and stepped back. "shall we council in my tent?" he asked, clapping his hands together, as though nothing would please him more than to sit and chat of war until it was time to go and slaughter men he had once known. Loras stepped forward

"Will you need help with your armour, your grace?" all trace of the Loras he had seen last night was gone, the look of a man of his rainbow guard etched across his features. Renly shook his head, transforming his knight's face into one coherent with someone who had just been slapped across the face with a wet fish. He looked around, eyes falling on Brienne. He nodded towards her and she stepped forward to join the train. He tried to shoot an apologetic look over at his lover before making his way to his tent, but the man seemed adamant at looking anywhere but at him. With a growing feeling of unease, he made his way back through the tent's flap. Once inside, both kings abandoned pretence, leaving crowns placed on a side table near the bed. Robb took a chair at the round table the tent contained, followed swiftly by his mother. Renly himself made his way to the tall mirror and allowed Brienne to begin to armour him. While she worked, he looked over his shoulder at his companions.

"I will be riding in the Van, Robb, you are welcome to join me" he felt a pause as his temporary squire stiffened, and noticed a similar stiffening in Lady stark. He smiled, trying to look as reassuring as possible. "Do not worry, dear Cat" he said as Brienne resumed "your son will be safer with me than anywhere else. I will have the majority of my kingsguard about me" Brienne stood

"Will I be riding with you, your grace?" she could be dull at times, he thought, but there was no doubting her loyalty. He considered for a moment, and then turned to her. She was a giant, stood next to him like she was. Renly surveyed her for a moment and then turned to Lady Stark

"I Believe you two have met" Lady Catelyn turned her head toward Brienne and smiled.

"We have" Brienne's eyes narrowed.

"Well then" he turned back to her "you will guard Lady Stark with your life. If I hear that any harm has come to her during the duration we are away, I will personally hold you responsible, is that clear?" She looked confused, and Renly could hardly keep back a smile.

"Of course…I suppose your grace…"

"Good" he made his way over to Robb's mother, raising her with both of her hands in his own. "you will be in safe hands, my lady, Lady Margaery will be under guard with you as well, so you will not lack company. Please try and rest assured, your son will be safe, I swear it, by the old gods…and the new" He leaned forward and kissed her on both cheeks, just as Loras' voice drifted through the tents entrance, and Margaery stepped in, followed by his knight, who kept to the shadows at the edge of the tent.

"I will take my leave. Brienne?" she turned to embrace her son. Renly looked away from the exchange, knowing what it was to fear to lose someone, as Lady Catelyn may well do her young wolf, as much as Renly swore to keep him safe. Things could go badly today. He turned at the feel of her hand on his arm. She looked deeply into his eyes.

"Keep him safe" He nodded and watched as she strode past his wife with a nod, Brienne close in her wake. He came forward and took Margaery awkwardly in his arms. She pulled away, smiling sadly.

"Stay safe, my love, I cannot bear to lose you" she said before leaning forward and pressing her lips to his own. He stiffened, but tried to hold pretence in the young wolfs presence. He heard Loras' uncomfortable shuffle behind them. When she pulled away, he smiled, though inside his heart was sinking even lower.

"I will" he replied "Now after Brienne, she will keep you safe" With one final peck on the cheek, she was gone, leaving Robb, Loras and himself alone in the tent. He made his way over to the mirror again, as the silence stretched on. After a few moments, Robb cleared his throat and stood;

"My men will want to see my face, I'll await you at the front" and with that he made his way from the tent, a knowing smile spread across his face. Renly stared suspiciously after him in the mirror, and as soon as the man was gone he felt Loras' hands at his waist, his lips at his neck, his face in his hair…  
"Loras…" he tried to pull away, but his knight's arms wrapped around his chest from behind locking them together…and the feeling was so sublime. With effort, he managed to extract himself. He turned, seeing the look of rejection smeared across Loras' face. The look did not suit him. Renly raised a hand to his lover's face, sighing as he nuzzled his face into it. He stood there and looked at him, seeing his plain, apart from the rose holding his rainbow cloak at his throat, armour, but underneath seeing the kind, honest man he loved.

"You're beautiful" Loras smiled modestly at the ground "and you know it." He stepped forward and Renly was surprised to feel wetness sliding over his hand. He frowned. With a sigh he pulled his lover's head down into his chest, nestling his face in his hair, along with his fingers letting the smell of him engulf him. "Kiss me Loras" he whispered "Kiss me"  
He pulled back and then Loras' lips were on his own and it was all he could do not to pull his clothes off right there and then. He was lost, until the sound of heralds yanked him back to reality. He clutched at the hair in his hands more desperately. But with dread and a sinking heart, he pulled away. One last time, he looked into his Knight's eyes and then stepped past him, turning to look back over his shoulder. He smiled.

"Come, Ser Loras, I believe Dragonstone awaits us."


	3. You know you are different

Trying to lighten the mood, Loras Smiled.

'I will be leading the guard around the king as he is still' _Rather stupidly in my opinion_, he thought 'insisting on leading the Van. Brienne I will excuse as she is guarding the queen and Lady Stark, why that women insisted on coming…' That earned him a clearing of the throat from Ser Robar Royce and a minute shuffling from the others. He looked up, amusement gone, staring around at them disbelievingly before resting his eyes back on the map before him. He lifted a hand from the edge of the round table and traced the course the young wolf had planned so delicately. 'Knowing his grace, he will be in the thick of things with King Robb which means we need to spread out around him and staunch the worst of the flow.' He stood straight, looking around at them all. 'I will be on the king myself and Ser Robar, as you insists on disagreeing with me, I give you the honour of the king in the north's guard as he doesn't not have any of his own. Renly made a vow to his mothe-'

'Oh, are we on first name terms now?' Ser Emmon jested, smiling around at everyone. The look on Loras' face soon damped his spirits.

'is that how you talk to your lord commander?' he said sternly. He held the man's gaze steadily and without falter. He was not the first to look away. 'I may not have earned your respect yet, ser, but I was placed at the head of this kingsguard by the king himself. If you have doubt in my ability go to him, I am sure Renly wouldn't find it hard handing that yellow cloak over to someone who is willing to follow orders' the smiles were wiped off every man's face at his sudden sternness. Internally he smirked, relishing in the power he for once held. It was hard being the youngest, even when he was more skilled than either of his brothers. He placed a hand on the pommel of his sword. 'Protect the king and try not to let his best friend die. If that is not beyond you. Dismissed.' They exited without a word leaving Loras alone with his thoughts. It had seemed a good idea at the time, letting Renly ride at the front of his vast army. On afterthought, he regretted the decision. He would just have to trust in the rest of his rainbow guard to keep their vows and work to the best of their ability. They were good men at heart, but many resented the decision to put Loras at their head. They thought him too young and inexperienced. He would prove them wrong. Nothing was going to happen. In his heart he knew it to be true however, but it had been the obvious choice. He was the most devoted knight in the whole of the seven kingdoms. Behind closed doors though, the decision had already been made. Before the death of Robert, before the war of the five kings. Before every single move they made was observed and noted through the eyes of Renly's eagle eyed entourage of Councillors and banner men. With things so fraught, he didn't blame them. If anything went awry, it would be them fighting for their lives. And then there was Robb. Renly's new best friend and in Loras' eyes a much deeply layered man than many knew. He had seen the young man's eyes roving over his king's lean body like the hungry wolf he was. But seeing him as the friend he was to Renly, seeing the honest just and loyal man he was, brought him up short. Maybe there was less to it than he had first thought. Maybe it was just jealousy running wild. Since his crowning, the king had less time for his knight and he couldn't help thinking these thoughts and dreaming up misjudgment and naked suspicions. He was the jealous type by nature, and nothing would change that while Renly's soul stayed firmly bound to this earth.

He sighed, following his fellows from the tent and asking for his courser to be brought forth. It was a similar mare to the one he had ridden at the tourney of the hand, pure white with a long soft mane. The saddle was softened leather, with a chiseled rosewood pommel in the shape of a rose, and shining new stirrups. He pulled himself gracefully into it, sending blinding reflected sunlight in all directions, along with the spots reflected off his green rose broach that clasped his cloak at his throat. Flicking the reigns, he rose to a trot as he made his way through the camp, trying not to look petrified. Of course it wasn't himself he feared for, he had come to terms with his own death years ago; it was his king. The army he saw laid out before him as he came over the rise made him smile none the less. The party was larger then they needed he knew, but there were so many soldiers un seasoned, /and boredom breeds betrayal/ it gave him a sense of awe seeing so many men stood rallied and ready to lay their lives down for their king. Loras filled his lungs and emptied them, catching sight of the king's banner down at the front. With another flick, he sent the mare in that direction. It didn't take long to reach him, the crowd parted for him like a knife through butter in the sun. He was their lance, their shining jewel, the one that would bring Dragonstone to its knees. If the small-folk had been allowed, they would have sewn the knight of flowers on their banners, instead of the flower of his house. _growing strong_ he thought _aye, we are_ He found Robb before reaching Renly. He certainly had become a man of war, and there wasn't a battle he had fought that he had ever lost. He stood beside his horse, whispering calming words as his wolf strolled a few feet away, staring into the distance. His face was set, his shoulders holding a burden to heavy for a boy his age. They had more in common that Loras cared to admit. They were both young, but old before their years, both bore heavy weights, and both, it seemed, harboured secrets. Never the less, he was a strange creature to his eyes. He slipped down onto the solid earth and with a nod, made his way past Robb and toward Renly, who stood, hands on hips, taking in the castle they were about to take. His king turned as he heard Loras approach and he paused to steep a bow on one knee and report their activity.

'We are ready, your grace. We move on your command. He raised his face to see Renly smirking down at him.

'Oh Loras, there is no need to take a knee at every approach' he turned away, grinning like an idiot. Loras did not return the smile, but rose none the less. He glared past his king sternly.

'I am only doing what you demand every other knight to do. Why should I be any different' it wasn't a question, but a statement. As much of a query to himself as to Renly. It did seem to hit his king across the face and the grin was wiped right off his easy features. Loras sneered in spite of himself, glad he had found something to shut his king up. It was hard enough at times. He stored away that nugget of knowledge for later use. He took a few steps forward, sighing and rearranging his featured into a somewhat more somber look. Stopping but four feet in front of Renly, resigned but determined, he continued to avoid his gaze.

'Without offence, your grace, it would be unseemly for me to act any differently. Besides…' he lowered his voice, and finally met his eyes. '…you know I love you' that brought a sad smile to Renly's lips, and Loras almost abandoned all pretence and threw himself at his lover. In reality, he swallowed. That smile said so much and for a fleeting moment his sadness was replaced with anger. Anger at the world for making him hide what they had; anger at himself and anger at the way he had allowed himself to feel. At this moment, he wasn't the cool detached man he should be, but a young man passionate for forbidden love. Of course, he would not condemn those feelings for anything…but there were times when he wondered if what they were doing was right. Margaery seemed to think so, but she was all about keeping up appearances, and she couldn't have the king slouching around unhappy. Loras made Renly happy, and so that was the solution It didn't bother Loras, but sometimes he felt used; used by his sister, used by his house, even sometimes when he sat alone in his tent brooding over a disagreement; used by Renly. A few hours later, tucked neatly under his lover's arm, listening to his heartbeat in the afterglow of their lovemaking, it would be a memory as faint as mist on the horizon. But now, his mind was settling into one of concentration, and Renly seemed to notice the change, seeing his cheeky knight replaced by the lord commander of his rainbow guard. Renly stiffened considerable. Another problem they had faced; his king didn't like seeing Loras being cruel, but he was a knight and there was no way around it. The way he spoke stabbed Loras in the heart, so monotonous and free of feeling, or so he could tell.

'Everybody knows you are different Loras, so don't flatter your own ability of being able to avoid judgment. The look ill suits you' he grimaced and pushed passed him, leaving a lingering pressure where Renly's shoulder had collided with his own. Loras' would be facing a lot of distraction out on the field, it seemed. From his own head as much as anything. He chewed on his bottom lip, taking a deep breath before turning back to the Van. _well_ he thought _at least I shall feel better yelling at him if we are at lengths with each other._

The sun was just dipping behind the castle as they began the charge. Men came spilling out from Dragonstones gate, wielding lances and shields. Loras was two men away from Renly, glancing swiftly over more often than was truly necessary. Their intelligence had told them that Dragonstone harboured no more than 800 men and so an army of four thousand of Renly's most skilled soldiers seemed a little excessive. Men around him raised roundsheilds as they approached the men, watching for archers he knew would be hidden in and atop the wall. This was the moment Loras hated most. Time seemed to stand still, ears becoming deaf to everything other than his heartbeat and the roar of his breath in his ears. Men raised sword and spear alike, almost in slow motion. He glanced over to see Robb's eager face, Grey Wind pelting along beside him at a speed Loras never believed an animal able to achieve. Renly had raised his long sword above his head, brandishing it with an open mouth, yelling fiercely. The cry from the oncoming army did not seem to deter the men standing as if frozen to the ground before them; it just seemed to smarten their resolve. Instantaneously, the world crashed around him. They burst through the wall of steel with a deafening screech of steel on steel and the crunching of splintered wood. Within a moment Loras found himself hurled from his horse, just to be crushed beneath it. An agonising shot of pain ran up his leg as he felt it snap beneath the horse's weight. He screamed, head reeling, to find an enemy upon him, he let the man fall onto his sword, before shoving the horse off him with all his might. Loras' head swam, vision blurred by the blood pouring from a gash on his forehead. Moments in and he was already close to giving up. He didn't though. He flung his head around catching sight of Robb swinging expertly angled swipes left and right. He stumbled towards them each limp bringing another threat of unconsciousness. Somehow, miraculously, he found himself between the two kings, who thankfully seemed to have found a moment's respite. He took a moment to internally thank the God's for his rainbow guard's superb skill. Renly was grinning stupidly, a spatter of blood across his face. He seemed mad with adrenaline. Loras almost managed a smile before everything fell down around him.

For the second instant, time slowed down as he watched Robb sink to his knees, an arrow piercing his armour just above the heart. His eyes darted toward the wall, the apparent source of the crossbow bolt. He watched again with a sinking heart as another came whizzing towards the young wolf, and helpless to stop it, it pierced the boy just above the top of his thigh. Robb grasped at Loras' vambrace feebly before falling slowly to the floor. Everything went quiet, as if they were trapped inside the moment. Loras' eyes darted around at the wall, seeing as the nib of a bolt head appeared at a window about thirty feet above the ground. He yelled, forcing himself to move and throw himself in front of his king. Surprisingly, he didn't feel any pain, just the pressure as the arrowhead lodged itself in a similar place to Robb's, and Renly's hands as he staggered backwards. A second quarrel lodged itself just below the stomach and with a cough that brought up blood; they both went reeling to the ground, his king managing to catch hold of him before he hit the ground. A wave of pain washed over him, taking his breath away. Loras looked up into the Renly's eyes, blood streaming over his chin. All he saw in those eyes was a hopeless despair and the warmth of a tear tumbled down to land on his forehead.

'Ren…Ren…' he chocked and with one final effort, pulled a hand up to brush his lover's face. Then Blackness swallowed him.


	4. i Will not leave

Was it possible to become irritated in your own company? Light, colour and sound crashed together on crescendo of memories; some recent, some just a distant flicker. Renly's eyes shot open, bringing the infinite weight of what had happened crashing down around his shoulders. Slowly, he brought himself back to animation, his chest rising and falling in even succession. He moved his fingers, finding his palms sweaty and joints stiff. The stool beneath him seemed more solid than it had when he had first sat on it. And that was…how long ago? One hour? Two? Three? Hours ran into each other up here, especially considering the master was alone in the knowledge that he had been here all this time.

He had seated himself to watch the review of Loras' wounds, and the news hadn't been good. It was a form of avoidance really, as his court wasn't the most tranquil of places at that moment. Even less so considering the absence of the man lying unconscious before him. His knight was always one to laugh. He would take a serious subject, tip it on its head and make a jest of it. In the end that was how all the good ideas were found, with a mirthful expulsion of Mirth. Now though, the great hall of Dragonstone sat ringing with disagreement and so as most of the blame would fall into his lap, King Renly had decided to stay away. Sitting by his wounded lovers side seemed like a good compromise.

He was really only delaying the inevitable, but he was sick of the fraught tension between him and the stark envoys that always seemed to make themselves known the moment he stepped foot into the courtyard. A creak behind him brought him jolting to his feet. He hadn't realised how edgy he had become but it seemed sitting on your own for hours on end did that to you. When his eyes met Brienne's he relaxed and moved back to the table, running a hand over his face She hesitated a moment, looking from Loras to himself in confusion. Renly shook his head and seated himself in the high backed chair accompanying the otherwise plain desk. 'Please enter my lady, I was just…' he was going to shoot an excuse her way but found his mind void of them. Besides she was sworn to do as he bid her, and he alone. And she was Loyal. He need not trouble himself with god old Loyal Brienne. _Brienne the beauty. Brienne the stubborn_. She looked blankly at him, mouth open stupidly.

'I do…your grace I did not want to interrupt…' _Brienne the stupid_. He gestured towards the seat opposite him and reached for the matching goblet and jug. She made her way hesitantly further into the room and shuffled over to the bed. She did not sit but stood looking down at her lord commander with puzzled eyes. Renly took a sip of wine, swilled it around his mouth for a moment and then swallowed. His throat seemed constricted somehow, which made the very act of drinking painful. Brienne must have been wondering why he was up here but he was beyond caring.

'He heals badly the Maester tells me, and wakes fitfully with delirious ideas of where he is' he huffed out a breath and took another swallow of wine. There was ill disguised pain in his voice but of course Brienne didn't notice. Brienne the blind. Anyone else listening in on the conversation would hear much more anguish than was truly fitful for a king and his injured knight. He continued slowly 'everyday it gets worse, and everyday we lose any chance of getting him back-'

'It should have been me' his fingers paused, goblet halfway back to the table. His brow furrowed and he placed the goblet down gently.

'You were nowhere near me, you were-'

'It should have been me' the sharpness in her voice brought his eyes up to look confusedly at her. She was looking down at Loras with a look much akin to disgust on her face. His hand dropped to the table. He had an idea of what was going on here but he wanted to test the rock before he put his full weight on it.

'What do you mean?' his voice was low, testing, and the room almost seem to ring with his heartbeat. She struggled for a moment before turning towards him.

'I should have been at your side. I should have been the one to take that arrow and I should have been the one you were mourning after my death.' She turned back to Loras 'not him. He could never have been any more dedicated than me' her last words were said as if to herself, and Renly was unsure as to whether he was supposed to have heard them. He felt as if he had been slapped across the face with full force.

'Don't say that' he sounded calm, but there was anger rippling just below the surface; an undercurrent of authority. She glanced up at him, jaw clenched so similarly to how Loras' had that last night. Now however, he was not in the delightful mood he had been in that moment. Right now he was remarkably close to ordering Brienne from the room. He was still the king, and she was still one of his Rainbow guard. She had an obligation to follow his orders or she wouldn't be part of his kingsguard much longer. Either way he could not hold back the anger that rose in him like a spitting cobra after her outburst. He was wary however, and he had his suspicions there was more to this than he assumed. She was alive was she not? Why was it that she seemed so desperate to be dying? He raised himself to his feet, hands supporting his weight on the heavy wood. Renly found himself growing angrier at her. How could she be so selfish? Loras was dying and all she could do was stand there, wishing it were her. He couldn't comprehend it. 'You mean to say you are more dedicated than you're lord commander? Well that is low indeed' he began to move around the side of the table, keeping his eyes firmly on Brienne. 'There is nobody more loyal, more willing to lay down their life for me than this knight. Nobody. No man, woman or child in the whole of the seven kingdoms'

'Your grace I did not mean to insul-'

'Do not speak to me of insult. Do not dare' his fists were clenched in frustration, and he looked at her through glazed eyes. 'The bravest man in the seven kingdoms lies dying and you stand there and tell me you wish it was you because what?' his voice was slowly rising in volume. 'Because you want the songs to be sung about you and not him. You envy him! Don't you!?' she just looked at him spluttering as he continued 'you want the attention he receives from me! Well listen here' he strode forward in a cool rage. 'You will never, and I mean never, come near this place again. You don't deserve the praise he gave you. Now get out' he span to face the wall and listened as she left the room. Renly was left tight lipped and breathing heavily through his nose. This was so unlike him. This had changed him. A murmuring behind him brought his head flinging round.

Loras' form was shifting, as if he were trying to sit up. Renly hurried over, pushing him gently back towards the bed. He double checked the door to ensure nobody would walk in and then perched on the edge, taking his lover's face in his hand. 'shh, Loras, it's me, it's Ren' Loras groaned and tried to open his eyes. Renly flinched at how bloodshot they looked. He struggled for a moment and then found Renly's face. He coughed, his voice croaking from misuse

'I thought you would have left me, I was-'he bolted upright, coughing heavily and choking up blood in the process, spattering Renly's face. His mouth filled up with blood and then spilled over his chin onto the sheets. Renly grabbed him by the shoulders and supported him as he coughed and heaved over the side of then bed. He hated it. watching him suffer. He didn't know what to do; he was unlearned in this area. After a long minute the coughing ceased and Loras slumped back against him. He was breathing heavily as Renly lowered him softly back onto the mattress, a soft bubbling escaping his lips with each breath. Renly frowned.

'shh' he soothed, stroking the sweat drenched hair from his lovers brow. Loras turned his head to find the King's face once more.

'You…you never left?' he was squinting, as though the light was too much for him. Renly stood and strode towards the door, making sure it was locked before reaching up and dabbing out the candled in various brackets around the room. The place was suddenly drowned in darkness, and he groaned as he hit his knee against a chair or table on his way back over. A sound that could have been a laugh sounded feebly from the other side of the room. Renly made for that direction. He did his best to climb into the cot next to Loras, wrapping his arm around his neat form. He shifted comfortably into the side of Renly's body.

'You didn't answer me' he grunted.

'I didn't know it was a question.' Renly sighed, closing his eyes. A lump had developed in his throat, making it difficult to speak. He cleared his throat, trying to lighten the mood, but it was like lifting an elephant. There was silence for a moment, and Loras was the first to shatter the illusion.

'I'm dying Ren' he sounded so weak, so helpless that he hardly believed this was the knight of flowers at all. He stiffened all the same.

'No, of course you aren't' he tacked a chuckle onto the end but it didn't do much to make him sound any more sure of himself. Eyes wide open, his mouth filled with blood as his teeth pierced the inside of his cheek.

'Don't leave me' Loras' body relaxed and his words were barely a whisper. A single tear managed to escape the confines of Renly's eyes, sliding down his cheek before settling itself in the confines of his doublet. He fought to hold back the imminent sob that would follow. He swallowed painfully again, gaining control over his voice, and kissing the top of his knight's head.

'Even if the stars wept, I would not leave you my love.'


	5. My Lady

I apologise for how long has taken me but here you go. The next one shouldn't be more than a couple of days in following.

Sleep was not something that came easily to Catelyn Stark. Too much grief, too much loss. Too much betrayal. Politics wasn't something she enjoyed; something she endured yes, but never enjoyed. Robb had promised he would be safe, Renly Baratheon had promised her son would be safe and now? It was a marvel she found the courage to rise at all. The sun was non existent although the rain seemed to have let up, leading her to the feeling that things had somehow come to a stand still. Taking a breath, Cat rose from the makeshift bed of bundled furs and dressed as swiftly as possible. As close as they were to Duskendale, for most of the way they had travelled under the Stark banner until weariness and despair had discouraged the men and forced them to raise one of dove white. Any village or fishing village they passed shunned them and so they were forced to make camp with the small tent and pavilion they had managed to scrounge before boarding the ship back from Dragonstone. She insisted on taking the smaller, leaving the men to squeeze as many as was possible into the larger. There were but a few of them and the arrangement worked well enough. With no looking glass and no company she merely braided her hair down her back, tucked the any loose bits behind her ears and pulled a hood over her head as some kind of protection from the breeze. The first thing she noticed upon exiting the tent was the wayne draped in a large stark banner over a box holding her son. At first they had tried to keep the rain off it but as morals sank as did their resolve and so the grey Direwolf lay fading and dreary atop all Cat had left in the world. Her eyes sank to the ground at her feet and her fingers gripped each other with excessive force. It took her a moment to realise she was been offered a bowl of whatever the men could concoct of the remaining food they carried. She took it with a wan smile and a nod, but the food brought her no comfort as she forced herself to bite and swallow. Bite and swallow. The warmth touched her skin but sank no deeper. She doubted she would ever be warm again.

There had been much discussion in the way of her intent on this journey among the men she knew, however she_ had _tried to choose them well. Good honest men who had served her son, but not her husband. _And loyal_ if nothing else loyal. She wanted no seasoned men stuck on vengeance for Ned in this ploy. These young knights knew to be loyal to _her_, not her name. They would go along with her and if they doubted her motive they would keep their mouths shut. Many things had changed and this was the age of the young. Modern ways were leaving cat behind and she had no intention of chasing them. She held onto sanity with a thread the god's an if she could only do one thing before that thread broke then revenge would be one of them. As a Tully and furthermore as a stark even the gods old or new wouldn't get in the way of her longing for revenge. Perhaps this would be the one thing to drive her to her grave_. And I'll be glad._

The sun attempted to break the clouds that day but failed miserably. The slow plod of the company brought a strange tranquillity to Cat, soothed into rhythm she relived her youth through the memories of Brandon's laughter and Petyr's moods but most of all her smiling father. There were moments where her memories would jump and she would find herself looking into the sombre face of Eddard stark but a swift clenthing of the jaw and fists and she would be brought back to reality where she would wilfully start all over again.

It was around midday when they came across the first village. It was a relief to see smoke rising from more than one chimney and with a sigh cat relaxed. At least she would be sleeping dryly tonight, if not softly. People shuffled indoor as the passed but nobody made to call them away. It was a comforting sight but also left cat slightly perturbed. She just wanted to lock herself away until the sun rose again on another dark morning. They reached the only apparent inn in the village vicinity and she left the men to enter first before stepping in herself. As Cat ducked in, pulling the hood down from her face, a boy of about fifteen years she would guess stepped out, eyes flickering over each of them in turn. She stepped forward and cleared her throat.

'We seek a room for the night. And board if you have it'

'Just the one room?' he replied with a smirk. Ser Varmen stepped forward. He was a tall knight of seven and twenty, dark hair and smooth pate.

'This is the Lady Stark boy. We ride under a white flag. We simply seek some food and a bed for the night' the boy looked between them, swallowed and then nodded when he saw the knight's hand rested calmly on the pommel of his dirk.

'Lucky we ain't been busy. There are rooms aplenty up the stairs if you will my lady. We serve food at nightfall' he bowed stiffly from the waist down, as was courtesy but something still left Catelyn unsettled. _He called me My lady. _She nodded gratefully and then made for the stairs, tapping ser Varmen on the shoulder to follow her. The room she chose was furthest back from the staircase, one with a vast window the looked up the road to the home of the Rykker's. She looked out as the knight closed the door behind them.

'My lady?'

'I want you to keep a watch. Nothing too conspicuous. There was something unsettling about the boy.'

'Aye, my lady. Will you dine with us or shall I bring it up?'

'I shall stay up here I think Patrik, thank you' she saw him stage a bow out of the corner of her eye and heard him leave. Lucky she had decided to take her food alone that night, or no one would have seen a horse gallop off east ridden by a boy of fifteen with a smug grin and armour that most definitely did not suit his rank. _Perhaps we will have company after all._


End file.
